I'm Voting Republican

Ok not really and here is why...

Red Light, Green Light

So over the years I have been called all sorts of things. "Mr. E." and "Uncle Stinky" are among my more lovingly collected labels. Every now and then I run across someone that calls me a conspiracy theorist. Like the time that I insisted that North Dakota didn't really exist. Basically because I've never seen any real tangible proof that the state exists. For example I have never met anyone that lives in the state nor have I known someone that knows anyone from there. In all my life I have only seen one license plate from there not long after talking with someone about my theory. I think its a cover up by the government to make the country look bigger than it is. Alright so its my dumbest theory and I guess it would be a conspiracy-like.

Now one theory that I have always stuck with is that our government doesn't really do anything unless someone can make money off of it. Thats why our public schools are in a state of total disarray and textbooks cost ridiculous sums of money. It is also why you see most law enforcement handing out speeding tickets at "speed traps" just to match their quota. And one of the reasons why it costs 10 times as much to get a divorce as it does to get married. Now if that isn't enough hard proof then take a look at this article by the National Motorist Association.

So here is the idea. You have a camera attached to the lights at an intersection. When someone runs a red light you take a picture of their license plate. You then send them a lovely ticket in the mail. That way people actually pay attention to the light. Sounds like a good idea especially here in Salt Lake City since all the good Christians like to blow through stop lights. However, since governments are inherently corrupt, greedy and evil. They ignore public safety lower the yellow light time to say three seconds so that they can send out more tickets. So far the National Motorists Association has found six cities that where caught lowering the light time. There are bound to many more cities doing the same thing. So keep that in mind next time you run a into a quick yellow light.

Update: After talking with my favorite extremely talented server from the Piper Down I discovered that she is from North Dakota. So the bases for my whole existence (the belief that the state of North Dakota is a mythical place) is completely blown. So if you have any suggestions for a better conspiracy let me know!

Freedom of Speech

Take a gander at this website Wikileaks.org. Its a site that refers to itself as "an uncensorable system for untraceable mass document leaking and public analysis". They facilitate anonymous, encrypted uploading of documents that the general public was never meant to see. Such as the offshore banking practices of swiss banks and all sorts of goodies about the inner workings of Scientology. And subsequently they have been shut down and censored illegally by all sorts of evil corporations and our untrustworthy government on several occasions. So take a peek before corporate America finishes wiping their asses with the Constitution and flushes..

Utah's Brilliant Legislature

So if you haven't heard already. Our wonderful law makers have made it so that wine coolers and Mike's Hard Lemonade are sold only in liquor stores. They did this under the guise that these drinks are a gateway for teens to drink alcohol. This comes as no surprise as a majority of our leaders are Mormon. However what they didn't tell you is that by doing this it changes the scheduling of the alcohol so it is now taxed as hard liquor. So what we really got was a tax increase in sheeps clothing. Good job Utah. While we are at it we might as well make beer sold only in the liquor store as well. That way we can ensure that teens are not stealing that as well. May be then they can use the tax increase from that so they can do something useful like buying back main street from the Mormons. Utah, Life Elevated!

Stop lights? We must be in Mexico...

So lately I have been noticing that it has pretty much become the norm for people to run red lights. I'm not talking about hitting a yellow light and it turning red whilst being in the middle of the intersection. I'm talking full out blowing through painfully obvious red lights and just pretending like nothing happened. Just like in Mexico were the lights might as well not even exist because they don't work.

The question is, where the hell are all the cops when you need them to actually do something? Apparently not giving out tickets for traffic violations, nor giving tickets to the plethora of j walkers jutting out into traffic, nor giving the all the juvenile dumb ass taggers bathing every open wall with a lovely coat of krylon. Probably out beating up grandmas for not watering their lawns... Well I guess what will happen eventually is that some douche in his BMW will mosey on through a red light and run over a j walker with a backpack full of florescent paint which will spray into the wind dusting a Trax train with a light mist which will upset the UTA. In turn they will raise Trax fare another 50 cents to cover the cost of repainting the train. Outraged by the death of a pedestrian the state legislature will spend thousands of dollars and a year debating over a bill to institute a whole new light to the rather dizzying array donning the intersections, and absolutely nothing will change except for the amount of money being sucked out of our pockets by greedy politicians that want to siphon as much as possible away from Salt Lake City so that the Mormons can kill the scant city nightlife that is left on main street taking back control of downtown...

So the moral of the story is quit running red lights you assholes before someone loses a grandma...